"While change is inevitable, forward movement is not, rather it is a choice that
often embodies the excavation of difficult memories. In my case, these were memories that were harmful to healthy functioning, memories that I had worked for many years toforget. Repressing those memories was like trying to contain a down pillow in a tinybox. Over time I managed to squeeze one side of the pillow into the box only to find thatanother had eased its way out; but eventually the troublesome pieces of the past werecontained, and the business of life helped keep them tightly bound within the walls of thetiny box.
As I grapple with my ghosts in my place of solitude, it is not my goal to soothe
myself with merciful lies but rather to propel myself into the depths of questioning; to
delve into my personal misery with the hope of reconceptualizing myself from the
shattered splinters I had become. It is facing the realization that every event has value, should we choose to explore it, and that it is potentially worth telling. In excavating those events I have found that beneath one thought lay another I had long forgotten was even there. Revealing difficult memories rather than sequestering them to the margins of my life has allowed me to begin to make sense of my journey, despite its treachery, with all of its wrong turns, and to reconcile my past with who I have become."
I think I may be able to begin writing again.
